ManJam / Downelink / Tagged

Friendster and Facebook are the most common social networking websites people use worldwide. Even during the reign of Guys4Men (G4M), other such websites were available that allow PLUs to meet and connect with others of the same sexual orientation.

Some websites are used as a means to share pictures - Facepic, Pic-Link, Picturetrail; while others serve a similar, if not an exact function as G4M - that of acting as a personal ad to get acquaintances, friends, lovers, and/or partners. At one point it was so confusing maintaining a lot of accounts that does the same thing. From those that I have used, three websites still remain on my list - ManJam, Downelink and Tagged.

Manjam is nearly similar to G4M where you can post one's pictures and provide information including appearance and likes and dislikes. A search function is available to filter out what you desire. One can advertise services, businesses and properties in their website, similar to what PlanetRomeo now has. It has the usual messaging and chat but is limited when one is not a paying member of the site. A friends and favorites list can be set up and one can choose now to share it to people who will be viewing your page.

Downelink is the friendster for gay men and women. It contains options for blogs, bulletins, videos, pictures, messages and chat. Like G4M, it has forums that allows for various discussions on entertainment, arts, sports, health, travel and business. Similar to what yahoo and friendster, even PlanetRomeo, it provides the option to join groups where one can search for others who may have common interests. Unlike most gay social networking websites, this does not center on finding the next lay.

Tagged is one of the more famous sites to meet and hook up. Unlike Manjam and Downelink, Tagged is not exclusively for gay men and women. Similar to friendster, an individual can personalize their profile with music, backgrounds and other widgets. Recently, they have added features that maximize on the networking aspect of the site, infusing games that have been well accepted in Facebook and MySpace.

Whatever website you use, it is with the maximization of the tools for you to get the results you want. The tool only works if you use it properly. The tool is just a tool. If you are looking for a serious relationship, these websites are only a means to be introduced to people of the same interests; it is still up to you make the relationship work.

Family Issues (Acceptance)

Ambivelence. Everyone seems to think you are gay but never addresses it. When you reach a certain age and they have not seen you settle down or have a girlfriend, people assume that you are homosexual. In my case, you know they are thinking it because of a careless word thrown into conversation but no one sits you down and asks. That's my family.

On the other hand, fellow gays seem to relish the idea of outing others. Is it necessary? One doesn't have to be out to be gay. Once you are out, then what? Does it uplift one's life or the people who knows? Would outing Piolo improve how he acts or sings? Would knowing whether he is gay or not make an impact on your life?

I guess my family feels it is a phase and I will get over it. I had a partner for some years and my mother, who had come from abroad was going to be staying with me for an extended period of time. She finally met my partner and she was quite civil at the start. After a few days, she confronted him and afterwards, me. She told him to break up with me, telling him that it will give me the opportunity to fix my life. When it was my turn, she asked me if I could live without him. For me, of course my answer would be yes. I can live without him. And that was it. Did she ask me if I loved him? Did she ask if he loved me?

With that confrontation out of the way, I allowed her to have some semlance of control of my life being that she was living with me temporarily and that obviously she had an issue with me being with him. How would you have reacted if you were faced with the same situation?

Finding acceptance in society is a struggle by itself but finding acceptance in one's family is harder. How I envy those who are out and out gay and yet their family loves them just the same way. I am repressed though I have accepted myself but deep down, I am yearning to feel that regardless of my life choices my family is there supporting me.

To those who clamor for people to out themselves, what does it gain me to go in public declare to everyone that I am gay? Others say it frees you; that it relieves you of baggages. I say it does free you to a point but not totally. I say we all have baggages, and problems are a fact of life. The day we stop having problems is the day we die.

Being gay, for me, is a choice. I don't believe we are born into it. It is a personal choice. It is a choice that we make for ourselves. Not our family. Not the people around us. Not society itself. And yes, it is a need for us to be accepted. That's a fact. But the most important person who needs to accept you're gay is yourself. All else is secondary, if not tertiary.

I know my mother would most likely remain adamant with not accepting the life I choose to live. She has been disappointed and would remain disappointed with me having relationships with other men. I apologize for that. I have hurt her and have not met her expectations. I have not fulfilled her dream for me to have a wife and have a family of my own. It is her dream, her hopes that were crushed. Is it up to me to fulfill her dreams? Is it up to me to live a life she believes I should live?

Why do gays congregate? We long for people who understand the way we feel, who are undergoing similar struggles, who we can be as ourselves. We long for people who accept us as we are.

At the end of the day, we live with our decisions. Regardless if you have parents who accept you, or if people demand you to out yourself, or if you have friends you don't think will understand, the most important thing is you accept yourself. Love yourself and live with your decision.

Relationships (The Other Man)

In a recent post by one of my blogmates, he talked about being the other man - meaning being the third party to a relationship. Though in that post he does not really become involved in a relationship, he did have sexual encounters with a commited individual.


Usual story, boy meets boy. Boy likes boy. Boy has sex with boy. Boy finds out other boy is already commited. Not something new to many. Not even heterosexuals. (In their case, kindly replace one of the "boy"s with girl.)


Why bother with committment then, if we are all going to fall under the trap? For now, I will focus on being the person we call the third wheel.


For us gay men, I am sure at one time or another we have been attracted to, have fallen in love with, or have had sex with committed men - whether commited to a woman or another man. We've heard people say "How come all the good men are taken?" Are they? If they really are good men, then why do they cheat? If you know they are married or committed, why hook up with them?


To allow ourselves to get in that position where we knowingly hook up with peopel who are in relationships themselves shows we have issues. We probably are desperate for affection that whoever comes, we take the opportunity. We may have a phobia with commitment that a hook up will do. We could have a thing for objects we shouldn't have or objects we want that others have. For others, it just fell into their laps and they are just enjoying the situation.


I, myself, fell into that trap. I didn't know he was married. We met and things progressed to the point where we were sharing the same bed. He was married with children. Like my fellow blogger, I was into the thinking I was merely having fun. He didn't promise anything. He was interested in me. I guess I was flattered that someone was pursuing me, nevermind if he was married. In the long run I felt guilty, since we were meeting on the second floor of their business. It came to a point that I was offering my place to stay every time he had problems with his wife. Our situation neccesitates that I don't text him unless he texts first or else the wife may know of our situation. We meet either after hours or when he has a valid excuse to be out of the house. In the end, he went abroad and we lost touch. Thinking about it now, most likely the reason why my other partners were lying cheaters because of what I did back then. I am tasting the same medicine I was giving out then.


Face it. We lose our minds when we are in love, and even in lust. Common sense and our good values are thrown out the window. We live for the moment. We don't see or we refuse to see how it effects others or how would we feel if we were the person our partner is currently commited to. I am not saying that I won't make the same mistake again. I guess with age, or with restrospect, I realize things I could have handled better. Hopefully in the future, I would have a level head when faced with a similar situation.


Karma. I am sure you have, at one point in your life, have been backstabbed or cheated on. You know how it feels when your partner strays. You know the feeling is so great you would want to feel it again and again. Not! My rule for myself is if I don't want it to happen to me, then I should not do it to others. I believe I just rephrased the golden rule - Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you. I know it is better said than done. We are too used to thinking of what gives us pleasure, what satisfies us but rarely do we consider consequences. We may fall at one time or another, but what makes the journey worth it is learning from mistakes and avoid doing them again. If we keep falling for the same mistakes then it only means we are not learning.